I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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