Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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