I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
