So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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