We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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