I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Randomize
