i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Randomize
