Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
