Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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