Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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