I wish I only lived at night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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