why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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