The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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