He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I want her autograph on my taint
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We are all done wearing pants today
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
