remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
