Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just pee around me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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