I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
