The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
false alarm. still invincible.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
