Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I smell like Dick and happiness
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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