So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
