how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
