nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She bit a glass in half.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
