elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
