Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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