Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Your cock deserves a montage
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
