my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize