I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
