Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize