Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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