last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think my moral compass just broke
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
