I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
