party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
