is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
