i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
