wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize