i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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