I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
