So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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