were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
