Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
