I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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