I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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