trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just gift wrapped bread.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
