hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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