Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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