school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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