he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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