Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
