Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
