I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
