I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
