I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize