Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
