You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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