Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
