mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
