if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
