I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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