I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
