dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
