I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
