his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
