I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
