I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
