do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
