youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it hurts more in the daytime
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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