Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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