Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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