YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need to sanitize my soul.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
