thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
