i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize