And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
