I want to have your abortion
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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