I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
