So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So here I am, sexting at work.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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