Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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