Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
