this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
