we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
