Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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